Extreme




 At a rather silent women's group a topic generated over 70 comments in a day. It was the bra. Types, sport or lace, to wear it or not to, at home and outside, etc. I was hesitating to participate in the comments as my experience with bras is rather specific, but then I could not stop myself. And I got the answer that was the reason of my hesitation.

A really nice woman I personally know without a single inch of negativity used the word "extreme case" about breast cancer. I know she didn't mean to hurt me, if you read this, I love you 💖. But this is the word I will do everything to cancel. 

My partial breast section is not extreme. Single full mastectomy and double mastectomy is also not extreme. Getting any cancer under 40 is also not an extreme case. Even dying from it is not extreme. Going through any physical or mental health issues is also not extreme. Growing up without any of your parents for any reason is not extreme. Not having a life one had imagined is not extreme. Having financial difficulties, family problems, conflicts with parents or inlaws is also not extreme. Not finding your soulmate is not extreme. Finding them at the wrong time is also not extreme. Not having a fairytale life for any of the above reasons or because of anything else is not extreme. It is the very nature of this life itself. And it is important to state for at least two reasons. 

If you think life is like you have two parents who love each other and  you, you go to the best schools with supportive teachers and lifetime friends, you study and then find a work that's rewarding both intellectually and financially. Obviously in the meantime you meet with the one of your life and you will be able to recognise them. You get married, move to a nice house in the suburbs and have not too many but not too few children, enough of both boys and girls, eg. 2 girls and a boy as anything else is too much. And you live happily ever after, get your children married to the nicest people and die at the age of 90 falling asleep peacefully in your home full of your great grandchildren. And if your life is different from this at any point, it is extreme, it's not normal, and there's something wrong with you.

So you will think that. Your life is not like that at more than one point so you must have done something wrong. You didn't recognise the chances that were there for you and you messed it up for life. It's your fault. You are a failure. So you will have a negative self image because of the way life naturally goes. 

Another negative effect is that you will close your eyes from seeing anything negative. You will convince yourself that you are indeed living your fairytale life (as anything else is extreme). You hide red flags under the carpet of bigger and bigger lies and are unable to face the truth until one day you are forced to see it - but that will be more than extreme. 

Both destructive ways of thinking can be avoided if we see life as it is. If we don't expect it to be perfect, if we don't think tragedies are extreme, if we take every day as a blessing and don't compare our lives to our dreams then we will be satisfied. We will not consider ourselves losers and there will not be any reason not to face problems. 

So that's the point I think. Life is not a fairytale. It is full of trauma, suffering and pain. We loose lives and fruits. We loose health and wealth. We loose parts of our families and parts of our bodies. We go through heartbreaks and need to excavate ourselves from the rubble of our lives. And all that is not extreme. It is simply life as it is supposed to be. The sooner we face it the easier we will be able to learn to surf on it's waves. 


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