Eastern European Muslim

Post - diagnose 2 I was wondering what to change yet. I have moved here, I went through my freedom fights, my divorce and my distance from the community. I have been doing my courses, planning my website, preparing myself for being able to support myself. And in the meantime I have written a book and a half. What is there yet to change, in order for those cells not to appear again? What are they trying to remind me of? The fear. Yes, I got ourselves settled here for the third time, arranged a house, schools, living. I did all the Hajering and Maryaming, but I did it afraid. I managed to remember from time to time the Grace and Sustenance of God, but deep in my body fear has not left. And I’m not blaming myself. That was my default way ever since I remember. All my life I had been afraid. When I was a child, I didn’t know any other ways to live. The world around me didn’t seem to be a safe place. People were not there to give you reassurance, they were a constant source of d

Post - diagnose 1. It’s been almost two weeks since I've been trying to understand it. It’s rather a snow globe now, sometimes there’s a small swirl inside the globe, taking the little white pieces away until they finally settle, until the next storm.  There is desperation, I can’t say there isn’t. Like the white elephant of the alchemists that you shouldn’t think of if you want to create gold, it’s always at the back of my mind. Or like the sword of Damocles that’s hanging above me and cutting, every time I do something wrong. And what is wrong, anyway? In a way I’m actually happy about my condition. Because my uterus and ovaries were removed after the cancer had already spread, it can happen anytime, anywhere. Now they found three more things of some millimetres that weren’t there before.  These are indicators, like some sensitive plants in the forest, for example some types of ferns die if the pollution is high. Well, ferns don’t die, we are living in Ferndale Road!

In cultures of the temperate climate the weather and seasons have extreme importance. It is only natural, as humans, just like every other creature, are highly influenced by the temperature. When it’s warm they can work, and in the cold season they hibernate and regenerate. Some animals do actually hibernate. They sleep for weeks or months, their heart beat, breathing and metabolism slows down extremely. But even those who don’t do it, they slow down and do the minimum to keep themselves alive. We humans can use this time to turn our attention inside, to our soul. We can slow down and understand what has been going on, as many of us have gone through a lot the previous year(s). After a difficult time sometimes, regardless of the weather, all we need is a little “winter dream”. It is the literal translation of hibernation in some languages, as the word used for “dream” can simply mean the act of sleeping, but if we are searching for hidden meanings - and that’s what we do al