Eastern European Muslim

 I'm done with the whole issue. I recognised it and will not let it control me anymore. Mother wound, Eastern Europe, narcissistic relationship and all their support system. Vested interests of patriarchy masquerading themselves into the noblest healing methods of spirit and body. Doctors swear to save lives, not to stick to protocols even if it means death and every path to God considers the human and their rights.

The underlying thought of every such harm is that you need to give yourself up in order to be accepted. And the trap is always there: even if you give yourself up, it will never be enough. You will not be loved, not have a place in the society, not get any guarantees for healing and so on.

Why?

Because acceptance is never conditional. A newborn child needs to be loved just the way they are. Not if they sleep all night, not if they don't cry a lot, not if they can be left alone for long. They need to be shown that their needs are important, otherwise something will break inside them. If their needs are not met, they will feel they are not good enough. They will try to change in order to get the love they crave - but there is no such love. A parent who has unnatural expectations will never be perfectly satisfied no matter what their child will do. Even if they do the very thing that's expected of them. And the same is true about an unfair society - you can work day and night, at one point you will find yourself exhausted and excluded; or about a narcissistic partner - you can forget about all your dreams, you will be left with nothing. And then you will believe that following the doctors advice all the time will surely save you while they only follow protocol and in case its not working for you they don't even say sorry. And if you try to get justice, you are told to wait until you change your mind, and anyway, your problem is not that bad as no one is really getting hurt. And you wait and trust the system as you think at least you are safe. 

You are not safe if you trust anything or anyone that has ever made you feel you are not enough. 

If you are not enough for a person or a system, no matter what you do, you will never be enough. Don't trust them, don't try to seek their approval twisting yourself and turning into something different. You can dance on your head, they will never appreciate it and will still blame you for not trying harder. 

And as long as you believe them, you will always blame yourself and forget about your own feelings, your own personal power and everything magical you are. 

And - that's the whole point. 

Once you know who you are, you stop seeking other people's approval. 

You will set your boundaries to those who always know it better. 

You will find your own way inside the society - and recognise if it means that you need to leave. 

You will not tolerate being used. 

You will listen to your instincts. 

You will seek your own justice. 

You will be empowered by the fact that you will write your own story.