Hajering, Maryaming and the first breeze of spring

I have been doing a lot of "Hajering" lately. First, before we have moved in, literally, running between the two hills, and now, trying everything, moving every stone, searching for every opportunity to find food for my babies.

Hajer is often mentioned in a rather derogatory way, perhaps in case of converts due to the cultural heritage of viewing her role, her status, etc., and in case of any muslim - and actually people of any other religion/worldview - due to the fact that a woman who is left alone with her child because of any reason is still looked down upon, provokes sorry from the goodhearted and anger from those lacking it.

The story of Hajer being left alone with her child in the desert incites many different emotions in people today, when raising children alone for any reason or being a single mother is not considered a rare event. However, mentioning this story, more often than not we see prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) criticised and her viewed as a poor victim rather than a hero.

Hajer was a hero, a brave immigrant and a founder mother of a nation and a culture. Regardless of the reason why her husband left her there (yes, husband, and the real reason is that it was God's commandment - Him knowing the outcome, not that Abraham was afraid of his first wife), what she did made her a real role model for women of today. 

We, women of the 21st century have different ideals than our counterparts from the preceding centuries. A woman today is expected to stay strong in any circumstances, be brave when something new comes up, and grab any opportunity that could be beneficial for her and her family. 

That's exactly what Hajer did. She run between the hills tirelessly until the Angel appeared right where her child was. She made an actual well for the water to flow in a regulated way and not uncontrollably around the land. And when people arrived, she shared the blessing of the water with them as living in a community would be beneficial for her and her child as well.

Our religion honoured her efforts by making it part of the Hajj rituals. Yet muslims in the 21st century still tell women to sit around and be quiet, not to be proactive but to wait for someone to save them, and never, in any ciscumstances should they talk unknown men - aib, haraam! If Hajer lived according to these expectations, we wouldn't have Zamzam - the blessing came while she was running up and down, as a recognition of her efforts -, we wouldn't have Mecca, as the tribe came seeing the birds circling around the water, and very simply we wouldn't have the Arabs. 

Hajer and Ismail would have most probably died of thirst in the desert. That's the result of sitting and waiting patiently, as they require.

I did that for 10 years. I'm never going to do that anymore. What I do now is to run between the hills - and these here are quite steep ones - looking for sustenance, blessing, life, solutions for myself and my children. 

Hajer can be a role model of single mothers too, even if she wasn't actually one because of the reason why she was alone is judged only by God. Only He knows all the reasons why someone is "justifiably absent", unjustifiedly absent or it was very simply her personal decision based on her reasons. We have no right to ask or to form an opinion on someone's life choices the reasons behind them we know absolutely nothing of. 

A woman in the Central Mosque almost spat on me when after 3 minutes of conversation she told me to have another child (???) and when I didn't want to get into the details of my health I only mentioned the other inhibiting fact, that I was divorced. How dare I to divorce, me, a convert who should be grateful to be allowed into their precious community? She had no idea of my life, of my reasons, and actually there could be much worse reasons, like it happens to many people, for example violence. She doesn't know, I could have been running from being beaten up. All she knows is that I divorced and this sole information provoked an anger in her towards someone she doesn't know anything about. 

And these people call themselves those who live in peace and harmony accepting the will of God. 

What they accept is a centuries old cultural norm of women being submitted - not to God (as Hajer did) but to men who decided about their lives and death. Women should just stay quiet, sit around and wait, or practically do everything at home, not to have a moment to think about themselves, but to serve others. They think that's what women are created for, to serve and not to think.

I think this thought is quite intercultural. We see it in Europe in the middle ages and many effects of it could only be erased as late as in the 20th century. Doctors as late as the 18th century were discussing whether women have souls or not. Some of this thought is still around, for example women getting less pay for the same work than men. In fact when I chose Islam more than 20 years ago one of the factors of my decision was its view of women's role and their rights. According to Islam a woman enjoyed more rights in the 6th century than a western woman today. I never expected that the culture of the people following these principles could be so far from it.

Another famous role model, venerated throughout cultures and religions is the saint Virgin Mary or Maryam. She is mentioned among the most righteous women and is often cited as an example of piety. A story in the Quran mentions Maryam while giving birth, that a spring gushed forth under her so she could wash herself and another miracolous event, that she was told to shake a palm tree and fresh dates would fall down so she could gain energy. 

If you have ever given birth you know how impossible it is. You are weak, your all body is in pain. To stand up is hard enough, let alone shaking trees. And if you have ever seen a palm tree, you know that even a strong athlete cannot just shake it so that the fruit falls down. It's not like a branch of grandma's old cherry tree. 

Why was she told to do something she just cannot? Was the dates falling down a direct consequence of her action? I think it was something like in the case of Hajer, a reward for her effort. And I think she had to do it to feel that she could. God could very simply cause the tree to throw its fruit as He actually did, and as He created the spring from nothing - and so many things, for the record. But Maryam, a single mother, rejected by her community, at the moment when she is most vulnerable and most in need of help from humans - no. She needs to act alone, and she is receiving the rewards.

God could send down all my sustenance at once, as He swt did the last time I came here with my babies, the smaller was not much bigger than a newborn. I did my runarounds, but once we were established, we lived in security until the next chapter of my life arrived. This time is different. Now everything happens gradually. I have to shake every single tree for some date to fall down that's enough just until the next one.

But I don't mind. In fact, I proudly accept this honour and I'm grateful for being able to do it - especially after all I have been through. 

And now as I look around, I see beautiful flowers and the sun shines brightly some days, but the air is still cold and the wind is strong. It's still hard to imagine sitting in the park and enjoying a picnic but I know it will happen one day. This is the weather I was born into. This is my first impression of this world. It's cold but I have great hopes. I believe that the sun will warm the weather one day. I see some beautiful flowers and I know the others are coming soon. I'm cold now. I don't know how it will happen. But I know that it will. 

Until then I continue to run between the hills and shake every tree.