My soul - the queen

What my passage is about - not only the words but also this chapter in my life - to free my soul. One's soul is one's real self that senses oneself, understands their role in the world and recognises the things it belongs to. Even though my parents did everything they could to raise us with love and support and care, they are themselves children who grew up in a dictatorial system. And dictatorship destroys souls because that's how it can control masses, if they are soulless zombies blindly following orders. That's how children are raised or better say trained since kindergarten in these countries. So I didn't have connections to my soul as it was closed inside a dark room. I had very close connection to places and people that reminded me of my soul. Italy, South of France, Yemen and first and foremost my sister. I think it was the moment I lost her that catapulted me into a space where I had no reference point. There was no one who knew who I was, only some parts of me.

I have started to reconnect with old friends ever since. This process had already started before, as Allah knows what would happen.

I never actually knew "what I wanted to do when I grow up". I did many things, I gave my all doing them, but I eventually felt burnt out as I never felt they were my mission, my ikigai. No wonder, as one's ideal job, their mission also belongs to the soul.

Same cluelessness about finding my significant other. Back in the days of ignorance I chose by my eyes. A complete disaster. Later, when I was smarter, I chose by my head. But there are features no checklist can filter out and no trusted friend can warn you from. More than a decade later the disaster was even bigger. None of them were my soulmate. But how could you possibly meet your soulmate if you haven't met your soul? Even if you do, you won't recognise them...

I'm reconnecting to my soul now. She won't be banished anymore into that wet cellar. My body is her rightful estate. No matter it started to decay as a body without soul is in fact dead. But now, as my dear sister Mesi sings, it is rebirth. My soul takes back her reign as the legitimate Queen of Julia Country. 

My body is the country, my soul is its queen, my heart is its prime minister and my mind is its executive officer. The country is ravaged by wars but with the ruling of the once exiled queen, it will be whole again very soon ان شاء الله يا رب. 

This is where my inner feeling of being a nobility deprived of my rank might come from. It is part of family history, but I felt this really close. 

This is what Najwa Zebian called being your own home. My soul is being reinstated in her reign. And the country will be rebuilt by the grace of The King of Kings.