Permanent victims

 There is a hadith, it’s one of my favourites:

عن أبي هريرة -رضي الله عنه- مرفوعًا: "المؤمن القوي، خيرٌ وأحب إلى الله من المؤمن الضعيف، وفي كلٍّ خيرٌ، احْرِصْ على ما ينفعك، واسْتَعِنْ بالله ولا تَعْجِزْ، وإن أصابك شيء، فلا تقل لو أني فعلت كان كذا وكذا، ولكن قل قَدَرُ الله وما شاء فعل، فإن لو تفتح عمل الشيطان".  

[صحيح.] - [رواه مسلم.]

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in both. Adhere to whatever brings you benefit, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If something befalls you, do not say: 'Had I done such-and-such, it would be such-and-such.' Indeed,'if' opens the way before the devil to act."  

Sahih/Authentic. - [Muslim]

In another translation it doesn’t say: don’t feel helpless, but “don’t stand there with your hands tied”

I imagined it as wearing a straitjacket.

How many times we feel like that. There is no way to do anything, all the options are impossible, we just don’t really have a choice.

It is also coming from society. If you have always experienced situations in your studies, in your family, in the workplace, etc. that your wishes are practically impossible to come true, and instead, you are left to choose between bad and worse, it’s obvious that you learn this is how life is.

It is also a very natural and rightful reaction of your soul to all the negativity it has ever met. Of course the soul feels victimized as unlawful things were done against them that were never corrected, never apologized for and never even acknowledged.

But our soul that possesses the sense of justice feels that it’s just not how it should be.

There are two types of victims:

• Everyone is against me

• God punishes me rightfully, as I am/have done something wrong

We know the mind-cure of both. We explain to ourselves or our brothers/sisters that Allah SWT is Just, whatever befalls humans in this life is not a punishment, but either an atonement or simply a blessing as it will draw more reward in the Hereafter. We can also tell them this is the nature of this life, bad things do happen to good people, and it’s not THEM it’s only happening to, look at this or that person, how bad they have it.

We can remind them of every good and sublime things we have studied in Islam and it’s all good and beneficial.

But it’s not enough.

Feeling like a victim is a symptom.

A symptom of our soul being neglected, traumatised, not defended, deeply hurt and all that has never been addressed and treated.

Only if this is done will our permanent victim feeling end.

Then there will still be situations that trigger our dark memories. But we will know it’s time to go, not to stay. The most important thing in these cases is to recognise the difference between the victim-feelings originated from childhood neglect and institutional suppression and the fact that this world is not a fairy tale. 

This latter has nothing to do with you. It's just the nature of it. This life on earth is not meant to be perfect. No matter what you do or what is done for do, no matter your background or your efforts, many things are going to work out and others will not. It can be finances, people, health, anything. You have no total control over your life, you just have to accept that. 

And build a large and thick wall between these problems and the deprived feelings of childhood. 

As that is a totally different story. 

That needs to be addressed properly and this too. 

It's not, it's never that "I got these problems in my life because I'm such a loser, and I can never get anything right." That kind of feeling only shows that childhood deprivation has never been treated. 

And when it's not treated properly, then all the "mind cures" will become toxic. That's why we talk about "toxic positivity" or "religious mind-police" because we use these tools, these remedies at the wrong times. We use them for broken people. 

People who have their souls in chains, who feel they are bad but also feel it is unfair to be called that, who have never ever experienced unconditional love and acceptance or if they did, they pushed it far away as they didn't know what to do with it, who only know rejection and degradation and walking on eggshells as human interaction - these people can't really make a use of sublime spiritual teachings. 

These timeless wisdoms may sound no better to victims of soul enslavement than just another standard they need to follow, just another set of outer requirements they need to meet - obviously focusing on the outside, and then eventually when they get tired of it or realise how far it is from their soul, they start revolting against it as if that was the worst tyranny they have ever experienced. 

How many times have we seen this. 

And there's nothing to be surprised about and even less there is to judge. To teach some of these things is an enormous responsibility. You don't only have a learn the language of these people but you must be aware of their socio-cultural backgrounds. It's not enough to ask them. Read their literature, learn their history, walk on the streets, look into their eyes. Are they calm? Or fearful? Do they trust you easily? And if you have done all that, remind them that the thing you are teaching them is suitable for those of healthy souls. If any of it feels like an oppression, then first they should heal their souls. You can also help them by showing unconditional acceptance, but it's not sure if it will work out well. And it's surely not enough. 

And us, victims of oppression and neglect, we owe ourselves that cure for our souls. It is not something we "have to" do to meet some outside requirement. We need it because we need it. Let us let our love free for ourselves. Let's listen to our souls about this oppression that happened. It is a valid reason to be hurt. We should go deep in it and we should give ourselves the consolation about it. We should do everything we need to in order to feel better and feel complete. 

This is the step we can't miss out on. It must come before all the smart do's and don't's. So let's just breath and relax a bit.