Love for the sake of God

Many of the religious teachings were eye-opening truths, the real reasons why we chose it and decided to study it, but there were those often talked about topics that everybody talked about, but no one really knew the real meaning of it, or if someone had an explanation, it was something that could only be perfectly understood and implemented in a totally different culture (and time) or not even there (then). Usually it turns out about these second types of teachings that they are not even from the primary sources of religion, or originally have a totally different meaning. Nevertheless, these teachings are continuously being told and repeated and quoted, so they have become a constituent part of the cultural texture of the communities. 

We shouldn't forget that the way we started was to stop and question everything around us. We should never stop doing this, even with things “knowledgeable” people keep repeating. They might only be repeating what they grew up hearing.

One of these sentences is “to love for the sake of God”, and however nice it might sound, the explanation puts up some questions, to say the least. It doesn’t talk about God’s love for us or our love for Him or anything else, only about our love towards another human being. It says that “in order to gain (!) God’s love”, in case a person we “are supposed” (!) to love is hard to love, we must put effort in overlooking their shortcomings, forgiving their faults and just loving them as they are. Since it’s a blanket explanation, it doesn’t define the limits of patience, and rightfully so, as there are thousands of references for defining them in the authentic teachings. Yet these well-meaning advice somehow sound louder than everything else, even louder than proofs, or clear indications. So it can happen easily, that someone who has been abused is silenced and sent back to their abuser “to love them for the sake of God”, which is a bright blasphemy, as something against the will of God (to tolerate and encourage injustice) cannot be done for His sake. Yet, this is done daily in religious institutions.

So let’s see how I managed to understand what “loving for the sake of God” might mean.

First of all it doesn’t make any sense without loving God and perceiving His love for us.

And since humans are created in a way that they are unable to give without first being given and experiencing that thing, the very first thing I believe has to be loving ourselves. These things are somehow inseparable from each other. In order to love myself, I need to experience God’s love, which is endless and unconditional. It’s everywhere around me, but the key is to feel it and I can only get into that state if I first love myself that way. No expectations, no “less than” feelings, no compulsory points to meet, no prohibitions to avoid - just love myself as I am. Flawed, imperfect, always in between, human.

Did we hear that right? Religions aren’t supposed to be full of “do”-s and “don’t”-s? Isn’t it the “guidance”? To show the people what to do, what leads to Paradise, and what not to do, that leads to hell?

Obviously every world view contains some sort of law that gives guidance to its followers. But for anyone to accept any guidance, first they need total trust in the lawgiver. I can tell you do this, don’t do that, but why would you do it? Why would you believe me if you know nothing about me? The first step is always to know who it is who’s saying those things. And in our case, it’s the Merciful God, and merciful means someone who loves unconditionally, without expectations. His guidelines aren’t there as barriers or keys to His love. No. His love, His unconditional acceptance, His Rahma is there, no matter what. Just the way it is unhealthy to make our love towards our children dependent upon whether they do something we have told them or not, the same way it is sad and detrimental for any human to believe that they are bad, that there is a way that they fall out of the Rahma, of God’s unconditional love.

People who manipulate others by explaining the religion this way have no idea what they have done.

So no. I’m not evil. I cannot do anything by which I lose Rahma. Being loved unconditionally is my birthright. God, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe loves me that way. So I can love myself that way, too.

And once I know about this unconditional love, I will most probably be curious about the advice The One Who loves me, gives. As that’s how we should interpret religious teachings: advice. Not as a means to obtain our right to exist. I am loved regardless of how I live, and I receive good advice that helps me live in a better way. If I follow it, it’s good for me. If I don’t, I won’t wrong the One who gave it to me. But this is the next step, now we are still at the first point, at being loved unconditionally. 

This is guaranteed.

What does it mean then, to love for the sake of God?

It means to love God, to experience God’s love towards me, to love myself unconditionally, and then to radiate this love towards others. 

It doesn’t mean to live with a constant compulsive fear whether I do something to anger God, while I’m doing my utmost to follow His advice.

It doesn’t mean to despise myself.

And it certainly doesn’t mean that along with these two, I become a doormat to my family, putting them first always, and I’m not even on the list. It cannot mean lacking boundaries and accepting injustice as I am unconditionally loved by God. How can I then tolerate bad behaviour from a much inferior being?

How should we behave with others then? How should we “love them for the sake of God?”

I need to give them their rights. At the same time, we should keep our boundaries, and check whether our rights are met. In case they aren’t, repeatedly, after warning, we need to draw the line. This is “to love for the sake of God”, because this way we make sure most people’s rights are met. In case someone wants too much of our time, energy, etc., and we think it’s “loving them for the sake of God” to give that extra, we won’t have enough for ourselves and for other people who might need us. But if we draw the line, if we say this much and no more, we assure that there will be enough energy and time for ourselves and for others as well.

We can do all that if we have an unshakeable relationship with God.

If we experience His unconditional love and we love ourselves that way, too. This way no one can guilt trip us into believing that “in order to gain God’s love, we must tolerate injustice”.

It’s never that way. 

God loves us and wants the best for us. He created us with unalienable rights and He doesn’t expect us to give up those rights, even “in the name of love”.

There is nothing but love in the name of love.