Eastern European Muslim

    There was this idea I used to like that if women want men to behave like knights, they should behave like princesses and sit and wait in their room in the attic.  Apart from the obvious nonsense of this sentence, and I don't want to take the discourse into the field of sociology, I have found some interesting points.  I remember a story about a queen, maybe Marie or Isabelle (according to my Mom's update) who lived in a beautiful castle in the south of France some time in the middle ages. Her husband, the king, probably some Louis went out to "free the Holy Land" from its inhabitants. He was not the first, not the last to do so. Anyway, Isabelle was a devout wife and she loved Louis so much that she wowed that she wouldn't take a bath or change her clothes until he comes back. He had been staying for 14 years when she finally died. She was quite strong by the way, to survive that long. Obviously in the middle ages the people of Europe had strange i...

We brought some biscuits to the birds at the pier, and gave them in the freezing cold with icy winds. We didn't stay more than five minutes because of the weather and also we were going to be late from nursery. When we left, I felt the seagulls (!) thought (!!) why we came if we only brought a little food and we left so early anyway. Yes. This is the voice in my head. This is the way I'm talking to myself. This is how I feel about every single person I talk to, every situation I find myself in. That I'm not enough. What I do is not sufficient so I shouldn't even be here. My right to exist depends on how useful I can be to others - if I can't, I should not even be here. Wow. I wonder why I'm talking to myself like that. Where is it coming from? Not to blame anyone, and it's not even necessary if I can get rid of it without knowing the exact origin, I really don't care. But I think it would be useful to know who or what made anyone in my family...

Last time we talked about feeling like victims quite a lot but we didn't talk about the reasons behind it. Discovering the secrets of our souls is like walking in a forest. What seems to be a darker spot as we get closer we understand it's a pine tree, and standing in front of it we can even see each one of its tiny leaves. The process of understanding is similar, it comes in layers. The victim mentality is an underlying feeling regardless of how people behave, but certain actions can trigger it, pushing the person into a major PTSD trip. The main question here is not what they said, as in life people behave in any way they feel at the moment and we can't ask them to tiptoe around our fears the same way as we wouldn't want to walk on eggshells for anyone. What can we do when we feel like we need to stop existing or to exist simply to ensure others' needs are met?  I entered the usual role, but I had to face the fact that it's no longer possible. I ca...

I wanted to write three different articles on the topics hope and trust, duties and boundaries and instead it became one piece of poetry. During the process of writing I discovered how intricate the subjects were and how one topic leads to the others. It is difficult to have hope and trust if someone constantly feels like a victim. Being a victim we only live in a scenario where everyone and everything around us either hates us, is angry with us or looks down on us or any of the combination of these. Our only concern is to try please them and avoid the negative consequences - that are unclear, something like "they will never talk to us anymore", which in case a scenario like this were indeed actual, doesn't even sound like a terrible thing. I don't know where this is coming from. It might be some kind of a transgenerational heritage as I have only seen people in the family following it but the same way suffering from it but never enjoying it - if not for s...

You have a dream  And do your best to achieve it  You work  You pray To the Creator of the universe You focus on what you want You give all it takes  And even more  You work  And pray  Tirelessly  And then life happens the way it does And you lose hope You feel lost Betrayed And you know this feeling  All too well  This world is an unjust place  It's not what it's supposed to be  Everything is hostile around you  And you can't do anything about it  You are a victim Determined to suffer  No one can help you  And no one will  They don't care anyway  Everyone else seems to have it all together  Even if they face problems  But they have access to help you don't  Your fate is written  It's not what you wanted  And you just sit passively  Not being able to do  Anything about it   The scenario is set  You are the victim  And they are the o...

The killing of a woman whose clothing was labelled immoral ignited country wide uprising in Iran. As a result of this, government forces lashed against the rebels, there have been mass arrests and incarcerations and they have also took down the Internet. Powerful international figures started to support the "women, life, freedom" movement, women cut pieces of their hair to protest any outside control of women's appearances and expressed their stand against any system that's putting women under pressure because of their own personal choices. Many people had their say about the topic and rightfully so. The only group that seems to be missing the point is the one that I seem to belong to - the practicing, hijab wearing Muslims. It seems like we have fallen into the trap we blame others for falling into - the trap of outside appearances.  Hijabis throughout the Western world have been loud and vocal about general misunderstandings regarding their outfit. ...

Children give us the clearest examples of our deep, primary feelings we might have learnt to suppress long ago. My three years old is in the stage of limitless imagination. While it makes him feel wonderful taking him to aeroplanes in the living room, making his cars his friends and even getting a ride on the Ninkynonk, he can easily find himself disappointed when we don't have a key to the neighbours house or there's no more apple juice, even though he said so. And that's the hardest. Not only for them. To accept the not very pleasant reality yet to keep on dreaming and waiting for the best to come. To think within this strange time concept. To understand development and change. To be strong enough to face the current situation yet never to lose the label "temporarily", and at the same time to keep our vision and to do our utmost to make it true. To understand time, something so alien to our eternal soul and not to let ourselves discouraged by the pai...