Eastern European Muslim

I have been feeling quite miserable lately. I felt that the system failed me. The community failed me. I did everything that was preached and taught, yet my life went from not moving forward to being completely destroyed. I felt it's just not fair. Why are we constantly told to be patient and not warned about how to spot the things we do not and should not be patient about? Why are we advised to give 70 excuses and not told to stop at the 71st as that would be self destruction? Why is it that we are taught that the best way to ask for help is when we still believe in reconciliation and then being left alone and not given any help? Why do advisors think "solve it yourself" is an advice? And at the end when you tried your utmost and are left with no other choice, why is it that the nicest people are surprised at your decision? Why do advisors use blame, responsibility and feelings to make you doubt your own God given rights? And at the end, how can they agree wi...

I have moved a lot, changed workplaces and circumstances a lot and it always meant to meet new people, to make new acquaintances, to adapt new situations. For me it always meant having a new persona. A new part of my personality, the outside person whom I created step by step by carefully checking the people, the atmosphere for what will and what will not be accepted. To a certain extent it may be fine, obviously no one wants to be known as the loud one or the crazy one (not like I have ever been close to these), and it's good to respond to the requirements of the environment. But my main focus was on them and this "persona" did not start from who I am. And to be honest, it was basically not different from the "good girl at school" who's main issue is not to be too visible - except at the few special places where they knew who I am before I knew it. The fact is, sad as it is, that before I become a 43 year old divorcee in an economically unstable...

When I lost my sister الله يرحمها more than 2 and a half years ago I realised that life is not a fairy tale. This life on earth will never be perfect, because she is not here. It is full of trials and tests, never ending problems when you feel like it doesn't make any sense. After a few years of continuing troubles you just get the  sensation that this life is only a place of suffering. A grey world where the only ray of light is the time we get to spend with those we love. These are not weeks of holidays in fancy places, just a few minutes we get to talk about something deep. Otherwise it's just a series of challenges that only end with us exiting this world. I have concluded that the nature of this life is in fact suffering.  I have already mentioned that getting closer to myself means finding my friends from long ago. I have met a wonderful sister, a beautiful woman inside and out who I haven't spoken to for many years. She told her story that brought tears i...