Eastern European Muslim

Over the past weeks, since I have learnt about my ever fragile health I have been trying to find out what more I should do. I have turned my life around. Left a patriarchal community, left a marriage where I wasn't appreciated, left a country where I actually never imagined my life and came to a new country, worked, studied, wrote a book and got the best treatments.  In the meantime I managed to overwrite so many painful and harmful transgenerational patterns. I created a wonderful relationship with my children, not only with the little one but with the teenager as well. I understand them, don’t expect them to behave differently from their age. I live in society as a free individual having dignity, not as an oppressed outcast. It took me the last couple of years to shed my Eastern European personality.   I wanted to do everything in a new way and I did it.  Why are the diagnoses still not right? Why hasn't the disease left once I left patriarchy and oppre...

When I was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago I was full of self blame. Part of it was because of recent external feedback from people, like a doctor who allegedly shouted on the corridor that “who let me get pregnant again”, told by another doctor who clearly never said anything about that, just like all the other doctors involved in my first disease. And part of it was a very early feeling when I felt guilty for crying too much and “causing myself” umbilical hernia. So I felt bad for not organising a health checkup the previous summer while everyone was playing mind games and tried every way to deter me from divorce. And I also felt that I should have gone to the hospital in Birmingham to get my blood test in the middle of lockdown, leaving my 11 and 1 year old alone the whole day. I basically felt that the whole disease and its stage was caused by me and it was my fault to put my health and life in danger.  Now I don't feel anything like that.  I'm asking myself what ...