Eastern European Muslim

    There was this idea I used to like that if women want men to behave like knights, they should behave like princesses and sit and wait in their room in the attic.  Apart from the obvious nonsense of this sentence, and I don't want to take the discourse into the field of sociology, I have found some interesting points.  I remember a story about a queen, maybe Marie or Isabelle (according to my Mom's update) who lived in a beautiful castle in the south of France some time in the middle ages. Her husband, the king, probably some Louis went out to "free the Holy Land" from its inhabitants. He was not the first, not the last to do so. Anyway, Isabelle was a devout wife and she loved Louis so much that she wowed that she wouldn't take a bath or change her clothes until he comes back. He had been staying for 14 years when she finally died. She was quite strong by the way, to survive that long. Obviously in the middle ages the people of Europe had strange i...

We brought some biscuits to the birds at the pier, and gave them in the freezing cold with icy winds. We didn't stay more than five minutes because of the weather and also we were going to be late from nursery. When we left, I felt the seagulls (!) thought (!!) why we came if we only brought a little food and we left so early anyway. Yes. This is the voice in my head. This is the way I'm talking to myself. This is how I feel about every single person I talk to, every situation I find myself in. That I'm not enough. What I do is not sufficient so I shouldn't even be here. My right to exist depends on how useful I can be to others - if I can't, I should not even be here. Wow. I wonder why I'm talking to myself like that. Where is it coming from? Not to blame anyone, and it's not even necessary if I can get rid of it without knowing the exact origin, I really don't care. But I think it would be useful to know who or what made anyone in my family...

Last time we talked about feeling like victims quite a lot but we didn't talk about the reasons behind it. Discovering the secrets of our souls is like walking in a forest. What seems to be a darker spot as we get closer we understand it's a pine tree, and standing in front of it we can even see each one of its tiny leaves. The process of understanding is similar, it comes in layers. The victim mentality is an underlying feeling regardless of how people behave, but certain actions can trigger it, pushing the person into a major PTSD trip. The main question here is not what they said, as in life people behave in any way they feel at the moment and we can't ask them to tiptoe around our fears the same way as we wouldn't want to walk on eggshells for anyone. What can we do when we feel like we need to stop existing or to exist simply to ensure others' needs are met?  I entered the usual role, but I had to face the fact that it's no longer possible. I ca...